We All Fall Down by Natalie D. Richards

Author:Natalie D. Richards
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Published: 2017-07-10T04:00:00+00:00

Paige

After lecture, the entire day is a blur of rewrites and independent work. It’s what I love most about this program. In high school, class ends and you go home. The learning stops. Here, it’s endless. Melanie and I sit on our beds, fingers flying across phones and laptops alike. Music plays softly, and we take breaks to sing and to raid the vending machines on the third floor. I can almost forget about her strange questions.

I feel so normal, so completely right in this place.

Melanie orders pizza late at night and still doesn’t ask about my anxiety. With notes strewn across the foot of her bed and her hair in a messy ponytail, it’s hard to imagine her spying on me. But is it spying? A healthy friendship might include that kind of concern.

I wouldn’t know much about healthy friendships.

I try not to think about Theo. I’m mostly successful, until we turn off the lights. Then I can’t think of anyone else.

I hugged him today. I felt his arms around me and the heat coming off his body. What does a hug like that mean? What does it change? Our feelings for each other are out and open, and somehow it’s muddier than ever.

What are we supposed to be now?

Because Theo is different, and Theo is the same. I am broken, and I am a survivor. We are good and bad together. I don’t know how to make sense of it.

Hours pass, and my sleeping pills sit, untouched, on my end table. I clench my sheet to my chin and listen to Melanie breathing. I’m sure I won’t sleep. Absolutely sure of it. And then Melanie’s phone alarm jangles me awake.

I bolt upright, blinking in the jarring brightness of morning. My heart pounds as I smooth my hair and force myself to my feet. I don’t want her to think I was dreaming, to have anything to report to my parents.

I dress quickly and brush my hair and teeth in record time, and this time there is no blood. There’s also no pain. My universe is one hundred percent normal. Except that there’s an awful feeling swelling in my chest and sinking in my middle. A feeling that something is wrong—even if I’m not sure what.

That part is normal for me too. It’s the feeling I’ve lived with most of my life. Maybe I’m not the healed, fully functional girl I thought I was.

Back in the room, I slide my bag over my shoulder and force myself to smile at Melanie. I even suggest picking up coffee at the decent shop just off campus, putting all the perk I can manage into my tone.

After lecture, we’re last in line for the equipment, and some of the water tests take six hours to develop. After a quick check-in with Dr. Lutmer, Melanie and I take off for the day to practice our project presentation. We’re two days out, and we seem to have it together.

Melanie starts us out with the video.

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